Telling someone to, "Calm down!!" isn't an effective approach, yet we often tell our partners and kids to calm down all the time. I'm guilty of it too." Below is a helpful strategy that I use to teach toddlers coping skills that they can learn to use to help them calm down and self-regulate.

First, kids need to learn how to calm down. They can learn different coping skills to self-regulate with patience and practice; however, in order for kids to calm down, their parents need to learn how to model calm behaviors during tantrums. This is known as co-regulation. In other words, you need to be their calm during the storm. I know, I get it, this is easier said than done. But hey, that's a great topic for another blog post!
One way to teach toddlers to calm down is by pre-teaching this skill when they are calm by reading one of my favorite books for toddlers called "Little Monkey Calms Down" by Michael Dahl.

I love reading this book to youngsters as it's short (like their attention span!), and it uses simple text and pictures to show how Little Monkey calms down after dropping his ice cream cone. They show him singing a quiet song, cuddling his blanket, and taking deep breaths.
After reading this book a few times with your toddler, recite it at the beginning signs of frustration. It often stops children in their tracks and adds humor to lighten the situation when they hear their parents calling them a little monkey! You can recite the coping skills such as, "Let's sing a quiet song" and you can start singing to them or, "Let's take some deep breaths" and you can model what this looks like. Offer copious amounts of social praise for imitating your calm behaviors. Once your child is calm, go about your day. However, always follow through with whatever boundary you set that provoked the tantrum.
Teaching toddlers to calm down and self-regulate can be challenging, but it's essential for their emotional development. Teaching a toddler how to self-regulate starts with parents and the child co-regulating. By pre-teaching coping skills when children are calm and using the book's simple techniques like singing, cuddling, and deep breathing, parents can effectively guide their toddlers through moments of frustration. Consistent practice and positive reinforcement can make a significant difference in helping children learn to manage their emotions.

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