Why won't my child sleep through the night? Exploring the power of a sleep dependency

What Is a Sleep Dependency?

A sleep dependency is anything a child needs in order to fall asleep. This could be:

• A pacifier

• Music

• Being rocked or held

• A bottle

• A special stuffed animal or blanket

• A back rub

  
  

In simple terms, your child can’t fall asleep on their own and relies on something—or someone—to help them drift off.

Why Sleep Dependencies Can Be a Problem

Everyone wakes up briefly during the night between sleep cycles. Most adults just roll over and go back to sleep because everything around them is the same as when they fell asleep—same pillow, blanket, quiet room.

But for a child who relies on a sleep dependency that involves you (like being rocked or held), waking up in the night becomes a problem. If that dependency isn’t there anymore, they’ll come looking for it—and that usually means waking you up!

Let’s be honest: parents often become their child’s #1 sleep dependency. I’ve been there too—lying down with my kids just so they’d fall back asleep. Even though I knew better, I became their “teddy bear.” It took time and patience, but I eventually helped them learn to sleep on their own.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Sleep Dependencies

We all have sleep preferences—like a cool, dark room or a favorite pillow. Kids are the same. Some common and healthy sleep aids include:

• A white noise machine (great for blocking out household noise)

• A favorite stuffed animal or blanket

  
  

But sleep dependencies become a problem when:

• You have to provide it (like rocking or feeding)

• Your child can’t access it on their own

• It’s not available all night long

  
  

What Makes a Sleep Dependency Healthy?

A good sleep aid should be:

• Portable – easy to bring on trips or to grandma’s house

• Available all night – doesn’t disappear once your child falls asleep

• Independent of you – your child can use it without needing your help

Do you need help fading out an unhealthy sleep dependency? I'd love to help.